WINTER IN MISSOURI

t's winter in Missouri
And the gentle breezes blow,
70 miles per hour at 52 below!
Oh, how I love Missouri
When the snow's up to your butt;
You take a breath of winter air
And your nose is frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful,
You may think I'm a fool.
I could never leave Missouri ,
Cause I'm frozen to the stool.

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

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> 1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
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> 2. AVOID ARGUMENTS ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
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> 3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
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> 4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
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> 5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THIS WILL MAKE YOU STOP AND THINK BEFORE COUGHING.
>
> 6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
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> 7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
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Some commercials they won't show at the Superbowl

Defining.. Service

I was Confused, but not any more.
I became confused when I heard the word "Service"
associated with these agencies:

Internal Revenue ' Service '
U.S. Postal ' Service '
Telephone ' Service '
Cable TV' Service '
Civil ' Service '
State, City, County & Public ' Service '
Customer ' Service '

This is not what I thought ' Service ' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to ' Service ' all his cows, and BAM! It all came into focus.
Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

retirement home talent show

Growing Pains

Middle child

Mom wanted the kids to get more acquainted.