Monday, November 30, 2009

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Friday, November 27, 2009

Lewis Carroll as a TV Critic

If Famous Poets Had To Make A Living Today

Lewis Carroll as a TV Critic
Frank Jacobs

'Twas Bunker and the Quincy Fonz
Did Mork and Mindy in the Soap;
All Angie were the Trapper Johns
And Dallas was Bob Hope.

Avoid the Starsky-Hutch, my son,
The Ironside with Chips beneath;
Beware the Hazzard Dukes and shun
The Mash of Osmond teeth.

But Kojak Swat may Brinkley Flo
To Lobo Welby with Cosell;
If Merv, we'll Benson to Cousteau
And Sha-Na-Na as well.

And should the Vegas Hulk return
To Sanford with Tennille, no less,
We'll Cronkite Shirley from Laverne
And Hee-Haw Meet the Press.

'Twas Bunker and the Quincy Fonz
Did Mork and Mindy in the Soap;
All Angie were the Trapper Johns
And Dallas was Bob Hope.

"Lewis Carroll as a TV Critic" was part of the article "If Famous Poets Had To Make A Living Today" published in
MAD Magazine, Number 237, March 1983.

© Copyright 1982 [sic] by E. C. Publications, Inc.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Muppets: Bohemian Rhapsody

Customer Relations

(Meat Packing Plant | Minnesota, USA)

(I am working at a packing house, cutting checks for local dairy farmers who sell us one or two cows at a time. They are given a scale ticket in the barn, which I use to cut a check.)

Me: “Hi, can I have your scale ticket?”

Farmer: “I’d like him to help me.” *points at a USDA associate*

Me: “Sorry, sir, but he doesn’t work for us. He works for the USDA.”

Farmer: “Well, I’d like you to find a MAN who can cut me a check for my cows.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but none of the men that work here know how to cut checks. All our office staff members are women.”

Farmer: “Don’t lie, you little hussy! Only men can run a business! You go back to making coffee!”

Me: “Sir, you run a dairy farm, correct?”

Farmer: “Yeah.”

Me: “And you make money from the milk you sell?”

Farmer: “That’s how a dairy farm works, sweetheart. Now get me a–”

Me: “So, basically, milk is money to you?”

Farmer: “Yes. Now get me a–”

Me: “And does the milk come from male cattle?”

Farmer: “Ha ha! NO!”

Me:*pointed look*

Farmer:*hands me the scale ticket*

'A Virus Walks Into a Bar

Monday, November 23, 2009

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Tourism and Truth

Ode To Cappuccino

Ode To Cappuccino (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When my hot cappuccino’s denied me,
I am steamed. I must have it inside me.
So beware of my ire.
My need is quite dire.
Espresso/foamed milk, or else hide me!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Friday, November 6, 2009