Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Oxygenation by Michael Bass

As long as we put up with huge, unchecked volumes of
oxygen in the air, there will be tragic conflagrations. Fire requires oxygen.
Where does oxygen come from? Plants! That's where!

Plants may be pretty because they put flowers out or they are a lush green.
That's to seduce us into putting up with their continuous belching of raw,
fire-hungry oxygen into our air supply.

If plants could speak, they would say, "Burn, baby, burn!" If they were not
radically pro-blaze they would not suffuse our precious air with their
excrement - - their oygen.

We of the animal world must not stand by and let the plant world run roughshod
over us.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Colors are not
All that plants do.

Sign the petition that we Animal Chauvinists present to you at your local flower
shop, where we will be picketing. It is an appeal to our senators to rise up
against the ocean of oxygen that is the source of every deadly fire. They MUST
find a way to rid our environment of oxygen and oxygen-sympathetic gases before
we all go to blazes.

The petition is called Gas Alarm Senate Petition or GASP.

Soon we will go after plants, but we must take it a step at a time. There are
fuzzy-minded liberals who want to coddle plants, and who think an all-animal
world would be unesthetic, less colorful, folic acid deficient, and
lung-negating. They trot out the usual scientific proofs that they seem to have
for every issue, but answer this: Can we stop the fires with math?! Can you put
out a raging inferno with algebra hoses?!

NO! Sign the petition. The last word in ending oygen is GASP.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Quote Game

“I hope that someday Mankind finds a peaceful use for my invention.”
“I’m sure they will, Mr. Gatling.”
= = = = =
Julius Caesar: “Is that a knife in your robe, Cassius, or are you just glad to
see me?”
= = = =
“Let’s turn this gadget of yours toward the stars, Galileo.”
“Wait a minute! I think she’s coming back to the window.”
= = = = =
“Do you like my hat at this jaunty angle?”
“It’s rakish, but I think it borders on sartorial blasphemy, Your Holiness.”
= = = = =
Mary Magdalene: “Get away from me! I don’t care if you have a MILLION pieces
of silver, you creep! Where’s Jesus?”
= = = = = = = = = = =
“You go first, Adolf. I’ve never held a gun before.”
“Oh, no, Eva. Ladies first, by all means.”
“ So chivalry is not dead. Giggle. Giggle” BANG! Gurgle.
= = = =
“Dames! They talk, talk, talk, and cry at the drop of a hat! They hate to see a
man resting. They want things, but hate for you to ever leave their side to GET
things! They have anniversaries for everything! And woe is the man who forgets
an anniversary! Damn dames!!
Adam: “Hey God, what’s a dame?”
= = = = = = = = = = ==
“When we insisted on knowing what your husband does, Mrs. Oppenheimer, we
thought you were kidding when you said that, if you told us, you would have to
kill us.”
“Shut up and dig the graves.”
= = = = = = = = ==
“Isaac Newton! Look at you dance! Are there no laws of motion?!”
= = = = = = =
= = = = =
“Loretta, why do you have to tell people I’m a coal miner, when I also write?
Can’t your song say, ‘I’m proud to be a poet’s daughter?’
= = = = =
Michael Jackson: “Why are you saying YOU did the moon walk first, Mr.
Armstrong?! “
“Can you tell me your name, young man?”
“Immanuel Kant.”
“Ah, but you can, and just did, Immanuel.”
Besides that one incident, how was the show at Ford's theater, Mrs Lincoln?

"I'm suing you for malpractice, doctor!"

"But you're dead! I killed you!!"

"You wish, Dr. Kevorkian. You wish."
= == = = =

"I'm thinking of changing my name to Gregory."

"Gregory the Great. Nice alliteration, Alexander!"
= = = = = = = = =

Samuel Taylor Coleridge: "WORDSworth. WORDSworth. WordsWORTH. That's not your
REAL name is it, William?"

= = = =- = = = = = ==
"You're crazy, Copernicus! If Earth were spinning around the sun, we'd have to
lie down and hold on!"

= = = = = = = =

"Bertrand, you're so serious all the time! Why can't you be like your nephew,
= = = = =

"Anne Frank! Hobbies are great, but this is no time to take up yodeling!"
= = = = = = = =

Martin Luther King, Jr. : "I'm going out on the balcony to get some

= = = = = = =
Mary Todd Lincoln: "What's this stuff? You brought CATSUP to the theater?! Where
is your brain?!"
= = = = = = = =

"The 2 of us are going to pray now, Dr. Kissinger, and ask Jesus Christ to take
this Watergate thing out of my life."

"But Mr. President, I'm Jewish."

"And I'm presidentish."
= = = = = = = = =

Nancy Reagan: "Ronnie, in your speech, I think it would be nicer to say, 'Mr.
Gorbachev, tear down that wall,' than 'Mr. Gorbachev, get rid of that stain on
your forehead.'"