A Scottish Jew who had worked hard all his life in Scotland, decided
that he would like to enjoy life a little, so he went to the exclusive
St. Andrews Club. He was told on applying that his application would
have to be approved by the Membership Board and that he would have
their decision in a couple of days.
Two days later he was told that his application was refused. He went
there to find out why.
He was asked, "You're Jewish, aren't you?"
"Aye" he answered, "but I'm as Scottish as you are Jock."
"Well, you understand that we wear nothing under our kilts."
"Aye, I know that."
"And being Jewish, you must be circumcised."
"Aye I am that."
"Well, the board decided that they could not stand a circumcised man
parading around with us."
"Och, away with ye man," he cried. "I know I must be a Protestant to
march in the Orangeman's parade, and a Catholic to belong to the
Knights of Columbus, but this is the first time I've heard that a man
had to be a complete schmuck to be a Scotsman!"
[Schmuck = prick]