Carpenter Tools

My father urged me to be a simple carpenter because carpenters are
just PLANE folks. He said that when the drill bit was invented, it
was a real TURNING POINT. He DRILLED it into me, but I thought it was
BORING. I would rather TOOL around with my friends. The UNVARNISHED
truth is that I had a few SCREWS loose and was MALLET-justed. I had a
drinking problem, and got PLASTERED on SCREWDRIVERS with my friend
JACK HAMMER all the time. One night my parents found me HAMMERED, and
that didn't AUGUR well one BIT with them. I wanted to BOLT out of
there. I made some disJOINTED remarks and shouted, "Just LATHE me
alone!" "Don't RAZOR voice at me!" said Dad. He became UNHINGED! He
CLAMPED down on me, and finally I SAW that I couldn't suSTAIN that
lifestyle. Yes, I SOLDER light. I tried to SQUARE things with Dad,
so I joined a SPLINTER group of Alcoholics Anonymous and WRENCHED
myself away from booze. My sponsor said that I was enDOWELed with
talent, and if I JOINED my dad's business, that everything WOODWORK
out. He CHISELED away at me until I decided to JOIST do it. It was
back to the old GRIND. It was a RIVETING experience as I BORE down
and had to RATCHET up a notch. At first, I learned through TROWEL and
error, but LADDER ON I finally NAILED the NUTS and BOLTS of the
business. So now I'm a LEVEL-headed man who is VISE president. My
father thinks that I am a real KNIFE guy -- in fact, a STUD. He is
proud of me, and said, "When I DIE, son, this AWL will be yours."