Sometime this year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus
This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the
Q and A format:
"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? "
A. It is money that the federal government will send to
"Q. Where will the government get this money? "
A. From taxpayers.
"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? "
A. No, they are borrowing it from China. Your children are
expected to repay the Chinese.
"Q. What is the purpose of this payment? "
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-
definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China? "
A. Shut up.
Below are some helpful comments on how to best help the US
economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs
and Al Queda
If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico,
Honduras, Chile, and Guatemala.
If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea.
If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India
If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan
If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria.
And none of it will help the American economy.
We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the
money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball
game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos,
since those are the only businesses still in the US.