Bloody humor

Arteriocyte is making artificial blood and
is awaiting FDA approval for their stem-cell based product. They call it
"pharmed blood."

I listed for you some of the ramifications, upshots, and considerations of this
revolutionary development.

People will not faint at the sight of this pharmed blood, but hiccups may be a
problem.

.

With this blood, a steak will not help a black eye. This will require a pork
chop.
.

The term "red-blooded American" will be less valid, because, with this product,
traitors' blood will also be red.
.

Boys who become blood brothers by mingling pharmed blood will become identical
twins - - -
with the face of the uglier boy.
.
.
To appease the bakers, cookies and doughnuts will be given to those people who
say they would have donated blood if that need still existed.

.

Blood banks will have ATMs.

.
When recipients of pharmed blood blush, they will not have cherubic red cheeks
but will have Satanic red eyes.

.

If your blood is pharmed, mosquitos will know and flee.

.
Bloodhounds may sniff your carotids.
.

With this product, screams will not be blood-curdling, but certain frequencies
of "YO!" may be.

.

The company insists on semantic revisions. Medical personnel cannot take the
pulse of someone with Arteriocyte blood . They can feel it and count it, but
cannot take it or say they took it.

.

Members of old-line, rich families who get pharmed blood will not be blue-bloods
exactly. You may call them "Sort-of-violet-to-fuchsia-bloods."

Warning: Males who use the more descriptive term more than three times become
gay.

..
The product will be expensive because most stem cells have an agent.

.
If there is pharmed blood in the water, sharks will view it with a healthy
skepticism.

.
Hospital labs will find that pharmed blood cannot be typed. It must be
hand-written.

'
When a vampire bat sucks your pharmed blood, you will have no bat-like
side-effects that will be of concern to your loved ones - - - - unless they
are bigoted against night people who navigate by sonar.
.

With Arteriocyte's blood in you, your blood pressure will still go up during
sex, but only when the sex is with something outrageous.
.