Sunday, August 22, 2010

Bloody humor

Arteriocyte is making artificial blood and
is awaiting FDA approval for their stem-cell based product. They call it
"pharmed blood."

I listed for you some of the ramifications, upshots, and considerations of this
revolutionary development.

People will not faint at the sight of this pharmed blood, but hiccups may be a


With this blood, a steak will not help a black eye. This will require a pork

The term "red-blooded American" will be less valid, because, with this product,
traitors' blood will also be red.

Boys who become blood brothers by mingling pharmed blood will become identical
twins - - -
with the face of the uglier boy.
To appease the bakers, cookies and doughnuts will be given to those people who
say they would have donated blood if that need still existed.


Blood banks will have ATMs.

When recipients of pharmed blood blush, they will not have cherubic red cheeks
but will have Satanic red eyes.


If your blood is pharmed, mosquitos will know and flee.

Bloodhounds may sniff your carotids.

With this product, screams will not be blood-curdling, but certain frequencies
of "YO!" may be.


The company insists on semantic revisions. Medical personnel cannot take the
pulse of someone with Arteriocyte blood . They can feel it and count it, but
cannot take it or say they took it.


Members of old-line, rich families who get pharmed blood will not be blue-bloods
exactly. You may call them "Sort-of-violet-to-fuchsia-bloods."

Warning: Males who use the more descriptive term more than three times become

The product will be expensive because most stem cells have an agent.

If there is pharmed blood in the water, sharks will view it with a healthy

Hospital labs will find that pharmed blood cannot be typed. It must be

When a vampire bat sucks your pharmed blood, you will have no bat-like
side-effects that will be of concern to your loved ones - - - - unless they
are bigoted against night people who navigate by sonar.

With Arteriocyte's blood in you, your blood pressure will still go up during
sex, but only when the sex is with something outrageous.

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