Bloody humor

Arteriocyte is making artificial blood and
is awaiting FDA approval for their stem-cell based product. They call it
"pharmed blood."

I listed for you some of the ramifications, upshots, and considerations of this
revolutionary development.

People will not faint at the sight of this pharmed blood, but hiccups may be a
problem.

.

With this blood, a steak will not help a black eye. This will require a pork
chop.
.

The term "red-blooded American" will be less valid, because, with this product,
traitors' blood will also be red.
.

Boys who become blood brothers by mingling pharmed blood will become identical
twins - - -
with the face of the uglier boy.
.
.
To appease the bakers, cookies and doughnuts will be given to those people who
say they would have donated blood if that need still existed.

.

Blood banks will have ATMs.

.
When recipients of pharmed blood blush, they will not have cherubic red cheeks
but will have Satanic red eyes.

.

If your blood is pharmed, mosquitos will know and flee.

.
Bloodhounds may sniff your carotids.
.

With this product, screams will not be blood-curdling, but certain frequencies
of "YO!" may be.

.

The company insists on semantic revisions. Medical personnel cannot take the
pulse of someone with Arteriocyte blood . They can feel it and count it, but
cannot take it or say they took it.

.

Members of old-line, rich families who get pharmed blood will not be blue-bloods
exactly. You may call them "Sort-of-violet-to-fuchsia-bloods."

Warning: Males who use the more descriptive term more than three times become
gay.

..
The product will be expensive because most stem cells have an agent.

.
If there is pharmed blood in the water, sharks will view it with a healthy
skepticism.

.
Hospital labs will find that pharmed blood cannot be typed. It must be
hand-written.

'
When a vampire bat sucks your pharmed blood, you will have no bat-like
side-effects that will be of concern to your loved ones - - - - unless they
are bigoted against night people who navigate by sonar.
.

With Arteriocyte's blood in you, your blood pressure will still go up during
sex, but only when the sex is with something outrageous.
.

Market of Dreams

F**k Me, Ray Bradbury

Hospital humor

A wife was at the hospital in labor. Her husband was beside her when she
suddenly began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"
"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?" the husband asked.
"Nothing. She's just having contractions."

Zoo horn

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Animal funnies

Redneck Water Skiing

Bible funnies

California vs Texas

California: The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out, bites the Governor and attacks his dog.



1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is natural.

2. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.

5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is free of dangerous animals.

6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness" program for residents of the area.

7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack somehow and for letting the Governor attempt to intervene.

9. Additional cost to State of California: $75,000 to hire and train a new security agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.

10. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files suit against the State.





Texas: The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks the dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.





And that's why California is broke.

DRIVING WHILE ITALIAN

Sending aid to Mexico

A CATEGORY 5 HURRICANE hits Mexico.

Two million Mexicans die and over a million are injured.


The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start and is asking for help to rebuild.


The rest of the world is in shock.


Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots.


Saudi Arabia is sending oil.


Other Latin American countries are sending supplies.


The European community (except France ) is sending food and money.


The United States, not to be outdone, is sending two million Mexicans to replace the dead ones.

how fairy tales really ended

The little Mermaid

Snow White

Sleeping Beauty

Princesses

Little Red Riding Hood

Cinderella

Disk Drop

Thanks, Kristin!

Fun with an old hard drive. Took the platters out of many hard drives and put them into one drive. Spin it up to speed and give it a nudge, then watch the fun.

Annual Cheese Rolling event at Cooper's Hill