Thursday, December 3, 2009

Tiger Woods jokes

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.
The tabloids are chock full of stories about Tiger Woods and various women. He wrote on his Web site today that he was guilty of 'transgressions' - which is a classy way of saying some of his foursomes were actually threesomes.

Last words Tiger said before his wife lost it:
"Honey I was just working on my stroke because I was having trouble with my puts."

Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly… but put me down for a 5."

What did Tiger Woods' wife do with the leftover turkey from Thanksgiving dinner? She made him a club sandwich.

New Nike motto: Just do me.
Breaking News. Doctors at the hospital report finding an imprint of a 7 iron up side Tiger's head. Must have been leaning on the glass when the wife broke the window out.

"Crouching Tiger, hidden hydrant"

What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seal?
They both get clubbed by Norwegians.

What's Elin's favorite household chore? Ironing!

Tiger can keep his driver out of the sand, he just can't keep it out of the bush.
Ping has a new set of irons called Elins – clubs you can beat Tiger with.

That’s the first time Tiger Woods has failed to drive 300 yards

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree ... he couldn't decide between a wood and an iron. Perhaps Tiger should have used a driver.

I find it's a nightmare driving at 2.05am: sometimes you can't see the Woods for the trees.

Tiger's wife went for him after he scored a birdie.

What was the second worst part of Tiger's car accident? The police found the driver in the trunk.

What was Tiger driving? Cadillac Escapade?

We now see that Tiger Woods drives very well on the fairway but doesnt fare very well on the driveway

What is the difference between a Thief and Tiger Woods? A thief Snatches Watches.

Elin announced this morning she will forgive him, if he'll change his name to Cheeta !!

"Tiger WOODS" (plural): the most revealing name in sports since Dick Trickle's short track career.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
They went clubbing.

What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

Apparently, the only person who can beat Tiger Woods with a golf club is his wife.

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.

Tiger just hates it when he drives, and then his balls hit a tree.

Elin Nordegren got hired today as a consultant. She’s teaching Phil Mickelson how to beat Tiger.

Tiger’s confused. Every other time he made a hole-in-one, everyone was all happy about it.

Tiger said the fault of the accident was his Escalade. It’s typical of a golfer—always blame the caddy.

Tiger’s car still runs, but it goes “putt, putt, putt…”

What is the difference between the Barnham & Bailey Circus and Tiger Wood's mistresses? The Circus is a Cunning Array of Stunts.

For each transgression, Tiger earned a two-stroke penalty.

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