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Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Lewis Carroll as a TV Critic
If Famous Poets Had To Make A Living Today
Lewis Carroll as a TV Critic
Frank Jacobs
'Twas Bunker and the Quincy Fonz
Did Mork and Mindy in the Soap;
All Angie were the Trapper Johns
And Dallas was Bob Hope.
Avoid the Starsky-Hutch, my son,
The Ironside with Chips beneath;
Beware the Hazzard Dukes and shun
The Mash of Osmond teeth.
But Kojak Swat may Brinkley Flo
To Lobo Welby with Cosell;
If Merv, we'll Benson to Cousteau
And Sha-Na-Na as well.
And should the Vegas Hulk return
To Sanford with Tennille, no less,
We'll Cronkite Shirley from Laverne
And Hee-Haw Meet the Press.
'Twas Bunker and the Quincy Fonz
Did Mork and Mindy in the Soap;
All Angie were the Trapper Johns
And Dallas was Bob Hope.
"Lewis Carroll as a TV Critic" was part of the article "If Famous Poets Had To Make A Living Today" published in
MAD Magazine, Number 237, March 1983.
© Copyright 1982 [sic] by E. C. Publications, Inc.
Lewis Carroll as a TV Critic
Frank Jacobs
'Twas Bunker and the Quincy Fonz
Did Mork and Mindy in the Soap;
All Angie were the Trapper Johns
And Dallas was Bob Hope.
Avoid the Starsky-Hutch, my son,
The Ironside with Chips beneath;
Beware the Hazzard Dukes and shun
The Mash of Osmond teeth.
But Kojak Swat may Brinkley Flo
To Lobo Welby with Cosell;
If Merv, we'll Benson to Cousteau
And Sha-Na-Na as well.
And should the Vegas Hulk return
To Sanford with Tennille, no less,
We'll Cronkite Shirley from Laverne
And Hee-Haw Meet the Press.
'Twas Bunker and the Quincy Fonz
Did Mork and Mindy in the Soap;
All Angie were the Trapper Johns
And Dallas was Bob Hope.
"Lewis Carroll as a TV Critic" was part of the article "If Famous Poets Had To Make A Living Today" published in
MAD Magazine, Number 237, March 1983.
© Copyright 1982 [sic] by E. C. Publications, Inc.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Customer Relations
(Meat Packing Plant | Minnesota, USA)
(I am working at a packing house, cutting checks for local dairy farmers who sell us one or two cows at a time. They are given a scale ticket in the barn, which I use to cut a check.)
Me: “Hi, can I have your scale ticket?”
Farmer: “I’d like him to help me.” *points at a USDA associate*
Me: “Sorry, sir, but he doesn’t work for us. He works for the USDA.”
Farmer: “Well, I’d like you to find a MAN who can cut me a check for my cows.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but none of the men that work here know how to cut checks. All our office staff members are women.”
Farmer: “Don’t lie, you little hussy! Only men can run a business! You go back to making coffee!”
Me: “Sir, you run a dairy farm, correct?”
Farmer: “Yeah.”
Me: “And you make money from the milk you sell?”
Farmer: “That’s how a dairy farm works, sweetheart. Now get me a–”
Me: “So, basically, milk is money to you?”
Farmer: “Yes. Now get me a–”
Me: “And does the milk come from male cattle?”
Farmer: “Ha ha! NO!”
Me:*pointed look*
Farmer:*hands me the scale ticket*
(I am working at a packing house, cutting checks for local dairy farmers who sell us one or two cows at a time. They are given a scale ticket in the barn, which I use to cut a check.)
Me: “Hi, can I have your scale ticket?”
Farmer: “I’d like him to help me.” *points at a USDA associate*
Me: “Sorry, sir, but he doesn’t work for us. He works for the USDA.”
Farmer: “Well, I’d like you to find a MAN who can cut me a check for my cows.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but none of the men that work here know how to cut checks. All our office staff members are women.”
Farmer: “Don’t lie, you little hussy! Only men can run a business! You go back to making coffee!”
Me: “Sir, you run a dairy farm, correct?”
Farmer: “Yeah.”
Me: “And you make money from the milk you sell?”
Farmer: “That’s how a dairy farm works, sweetheart. Now get me a–”
Me: “So, basically, milk is money to you?”
Farmer: “Yes. Now get me a–”
Me: “And does the milk come from male cattle?”
Farmer: “Ha ha! NO!”
Me:*pointed look*
Farmer:*hands me the scale ticket*
Monday, November 23, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Ode To Cappuccino
Ode To Cappuccino (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When my hot cappuccino’s denied me,
I am steamed. I must have it inside me.
So beware of my ire.
My need is quite dire.
Espresso/foamed milk, or else hide me!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When my hot cappuccino’s denied me,
I am steamed. I must have it inside me.
So beware of my ire.
My need is quite dire.
Espresso/foamed milk, or else hide me!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
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