Witty putdowns and insults

• “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend - if you have one.”
  –George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
  
  “Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second - if there is one.”
  –Winston Churchill’s response to George Bernard Shaw
  
• “Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your tea!”
  –Lady Astor to Winston Churchill at a dinner party
  
  “Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!”
  –Winston Churchill’s response to Lady Astor
  
• “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
  –Clarence Darrow
  
• “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
  –Oscar Wilde
  
• “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
  –Oscar Wilde
  
• “He had delusions of adequacy.”
  –Walter Kerr
• • I'd call you a cunt but you lack the warmth and depth.
• Tell him I was too fucking busy-- or vice versa.”
• “That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.”
• “So, you're the man who can't spell 'fuck.' --Dorothy Parker to Norman Mailer after publishers had convinced Mailer to replace the word with a euphemism, 'fug,' in his 1948 book, "The Naked and the Dead.”
• “She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.”
• “Why, that dog is practically a Phi Beta Kappa. She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw -- I don't say she will but she can.”
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